My youngest has just gone to school and I am completely lost. I don’t know what to do with myself. The feeling hit me straight after I waved him goodbye as he walked into his new classroom, his baby hands holding on tight to his lunch bag. As drop-offs go it couldn’t have gone any better, he didn’t make a fuss and took it all in his stride. My heart immediately started to ache as I walked away knowing I wouldn’t see him for another six hours.
On the way out, I didn’t even know how to walk properly without his little hand holding mine (I remember feeling the same way when I stopped pushing him in his pushchair). I managed to hold back the tears and clung onto the memory of how excited he was for this morning to come. He’s been looking forward to starting the ‘big boy school’ with his brother for quite some time.
On the short walk back home a montage of the last four years filled my head as though they were playing on the big screen in front of me. We’ve been through a lot together, some hard times, some great, some bloody awful but always full of love and a bond that only mother and child understand.
We had days that were memorable and others to forget! We had different day, same sort of stuff days; why did I think baking was a good idea days; just downright boring days; tiring all Mummy wants to do is sleep days; ripping out your hair days; can’t Mummy go to the toilet in peace days; let’s build a den under the dining table days; want to play i spy or hide and seek days; ; poorly in Mummy’s bed days; picnics in the house because it’s too wet outside days; please don’t draw on the wall days; nature watching from the window days, making something out of toilet roll tube days or let’s get all the toys out days.
All those days are the ones that matter the most, not the days out at the zoo, not the trips to the park with friends, not buying a toy they’ve wanted for ages- or any other big gesture. It’s the days that all blur into one that really mean something because they are the days when you’re bonded by love. Those are the times when listening, teaching, caring, understanding, having patience, providing security, showing kindness and generosity, affection and encouragement paid off.
This morning it flashed through my head that all that hard work, all that monotony wasn’t for nothing. My heart aches for my little boy but it could burst with the abundance of pride I have for him.
Being a mother is the hardest job but the rewards make it worth it.